Your Highly Sensitive System
There's a Part of Me...
Have you ever thought or said, “There’s a part of me that…” As if you can see and feel that part clearly—what it’s thinking, feeling, what it wants you to know. You might even have an image of how it appears to you.
That’s a pretty common experience. And while many people experience their parts, they don’t go deeper to really get to know their parts and how their system of parts interact and work together.
I think we all have lots of parts. And they help us navigate the world. But some of our parts have been impacted by our past traumas and experiences. Some are influenced by heredity and our culture.
So, you might have parts that overthink or parts that need to feel like things are always under control— in work, in relationships, and at home—or they want everyone in your life to be “happy,” so you do whatever you need to keep the peace.
You might also have parts that criticize you or make you feel guilty or they shame you. And you might have heard or been taught ways to shut them down. Telling them they’re not needed. That they just need to be nicer or less vocal. Or maybe you’ve told them to shut-up because you get frustrated with their interference. But, in my experience none of those tools, or responses really work. The activated parts continue to voice their opinions sometimes disrupting your wellbeing.
How does all that language about parts land with you?
Paying Attention to Your Parts
If you made a list of your parts that show up throughout the day, how many would there be?
Here’s a few I’ve noticed in my system:
- Manager parts that keep me on track with work and at home
- Watchful parts that scan for safety
- Silly parts that love puns and word play
- Fitness parts that keep track of my wellness
- People pleasing parts that want life to be conflict free
- Controlling or perfectionist parts that want things done my way
- Critical parts that notice each misstep or mistake
- Wounded little girl parts that feel emotional wounds deeply
And that’s only a few.
I’ve learned though my Internal Family Systems (IFS) training and personal IFS therapy to work with my parts. Bringing curiosity and compassion to my whole system of parts. Becoming Self-led, so that I’m aware of my parts and can be present with them compassionately.
(I’ve been reading Trusting Your Highly Sensitive Self, by Elizabeth Venart, LPC. The quotes below are from her book.)
But when your parts are disconnected from you, your soul, your Self, “your internal dialog is riddled with conflict, and parts fight for control.”
It’s kind of like the book Lord of the Flies. The kids are in charge, and they can get crazy with power and be extremely hurtful to you.
I’ve been using the term Self. So, what is Self-energy? It’s your innate wisdom, the indestructible energy that lies in all of us and exudes confidence, curiosity, creativity, presence, care, clarity, compassion, calmness, and courage.
When your Self—your soul, your core, your authentic you—can nurture and grow a compassionate caring relationship with your parts, a harmonious system develops where you feel balanced and at ease, “because your parts trust the leadership of Self.”
IFS work is particularly beneficial for highly sensitive women (and all HS individuals) because it’s gentle, it goes deep, it goes at your pace, and it helps you work with your unique system of parts with creativity, curiosity, and compassion.
Through IFS work I’ve experienced a deeper level of healing, and I’ve witnessed the same with my clients.
IFS can be done through therapy and coaching to help you feel more aligned and balanced in all areas of your life.
If you’d like to know more and are curious about working with me, you can reach out here and we’ll schedule time for a call.
